Hello! Welcome to the Survivor's (and Protector's*) Mark Tumblr.

My name is Sandy, and I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor. The Survivor's Mark is a tattoo I came up with one night in a moment of clarity and inspiration after somewhat of a breakdown brought on by a trigger. (You can read all about that night via the "Sandy's Story" link in the header.) My Mark means, "Abuse is bullshit, and I am not afraid to talk about it or hear someone else talk about it.”

The morning after the meltdown I called my Mom and told her all about my idea, and she loved it so much she got a Mark of her own. We were tattooed together on April 27, 2008. Now we use the Mark, and the perspective behind it, to try to change the world. That's what this page is for. It's a place for survivors to share their stories (plus Mark pictures, fan art, helpful links, and inspirational quotes and images.) It's a place for hope and love and joy and comfort and facing fears and taking back what was stolen from you. It's a place for healing.

My message is this:
No one has to stay a victim.
We can all be Survivors.
Abuse doesn't have to be a death sentence.
It doesn't have to control your life.
You can live happily after abuse.
I know, because I do it every day now.

To anyone who is struggling to believe they are a survivor: Just keep swimming! I understand. I know it's hard, but it's worth it. And you are not alone. Not EVER.

If you're reading this thinking, "Wow, I wish I could be like that!" or "What can I do to help victims/Survivors?" Submit your story. If you think about it, that's all I ever really did. (Feel free to submit anonymously or openly, that's completely up to you, but please specify which you'd like. If no discernible choice is made, your name will not be posted.)

*The Protector's Mark was dreamed up by Mom and I and Sam, our tattoo artist, while we were getting inked. The PM was originally to be white, but we all decided it was too pale so Sam, the genius he is, made it the colors of the sun. The light to fight the darkness. Some wear the SM, some wear the PM, some wear both. You can see all the pictures I have received of Marks via my tattoos tag, but please be warned the stories attached to some of the images might be triggering, and there are some images there that aren't Marks at all. You can also see them in the photo album on the SM Facebook (or MySpace if you're oldschool like that.)

I have asked you a question before about a week ago (about my repressed memories). I feel like a really need to talk to my mother about this, because I repressed a lot of my childhood I'm having a difficult time figuring out who could have done this to me. I suspect everyone- but obviously that is most likely not the case. I feel like she can help me shed some light on my childhood. How do I talk to her about this? I don't want her to blame herself but I'm also afraid she will brush it off.
Asked by Anonymous

I walked right up to my Mom and asked, “Are these bad dreams or just memories?” We talked about it and she said she had suspicions but I never came to her so she dismissed them as her over-vigilance (due to her own childhood abuse.) It wasn’t as easy as I make it sound, of course, it took me years to open up to her and at the time I wouldn’t have if I didn’t feel like I was losing my mind. I NEVER wanted to burden her with my truth, and the fact is, I don’t think she is burdened. She doesn’t blame herself, I asked her recently, actually; she blames my uncle, just like I do.

Another thing my Mom and I did was letters; whenever there was something I needed help with but couldn’t verbalize, I’d stick a sealed envelope under her door with her name on it. She’d read it and approach me about whatever it was when she was ready. I’m VERY fortunate to be so close with my Mom. I believe 100% that stems from her mother’s doing such a shit job. She never wanted to be like that, and luckily for my brothers and I, she’s the opposite.

Your Mom could react in a myriad of ways, the only way to know which one it will be is to talk to her. I wish you the greatest luck in that, whenever you choose to take that leap. It’s a big one, but for me worthwhile. I can only hope and pray the same will be true for you.

Much love and hope!
~Sandy

PS: If therapy or counseling of some kind is available to you, I beg you to take advantage of those services. Having someone to talk to, openly and honestly, without criticism, is the greatest gift a Survivor can give themselves, at least in the beginning stages.

It hurts sometimes when you’re healing. It’s the sensation of your heart growing bigger. It’s the feel of your old scar tissue breaking up and stretching. It’s the tight and fearful knots of emotion opening up and learning to relax. Those old hurts were actually shrinking your heart with tension, the way tightness in the back can curve and distort the spine.

I know it hurts, but you can learn to experience these feelings as intense sensation and simply surrender yourself; trusting that a new and better you will soon emerge. Fear and resistance will increase the pain. Love and acceptance will ease it.

Let your Heart open wide.

You’ll be opening up more room in your life for love.

Dorothy Mendoza Row (via heartmindspirit)

(Source: heartmindawakening)

(Source: theloveyourselfchallenge)

(Source: fitmrs)

Understanding Male Sexual Assault

mentalscubadiving:

mentalscubadiving:

This post is dedicated to all male survivors of sexual assault. I know you’ve been faced with disbelief and cruelty, but I believe you and I support you. I know that this post doesn’t go into detail on female on male sexual assault, but I plan to make a separate “understanding…” post on that.

Men and boys are also the victims of the crimes of sexual assault, sexual abuse, and rape. In fact, in the U.S., over 10% of all victims are male.

Stereotypes and Myths:

There are various stereotypes and myths that impact male survivors’ ability to face their sexual assault. These include:

  • Men are immune to victimization.
  • Men should be able to fight off attacks.
  • Men shouldn’t express emotion.
  • Men enjoy all sex, so they must have enjoyed the assault.
  • Male survivors are more likely to become sexual predators.

These stereotypes and myths can then lead to certain results for male victims of sexual assault, including:

  • Dramatic loss of self-esteem
  • Belief in their masculinity
  • Self-blame
  • Feelings of shame, guilt, anger
  • Feelings of powerlessness, apprehension, withdrawal, and embarrassment
  • Fears that they won’t be able to protect and support their families
  • Sexual difficulties
  • Self-destructive behavior (drinking, drug use, aggression)
  • Intimacy issues
  • Questioning of sexual identity

Barriers

Male survivors of sexual assault also may experience certain barriers to seeking support or services, either from friends and family or from organizations and institutions.

Support
  • It can be difficult for men to seek help for fear of how others will judge them.
  • Responses from friends and family can be damaging or unsupportive.
Safety
  • Threats to the victim of a sexual assault or his family may have been made by the perpetrator. This may cause him to keep silent.
  • In institutions, he may be forced to keep silent through implied and real threats both by the perpetrator and/or by others within the institution.
Privacy
  • He may resist reporting the sexual assault due to the need to repeat the story over and over again to police, to prosecutors, and in court.
  • He may be unwilling to share details of the assault in order to protect his family from societal judgment.
Self-blame
  • He may blame himself for the attack because he was not able to fight the aggressor off.
  • He may think that the assault was not rape because he became sexually aroused during the attack (i.e., he had an erection or ejaculated). This is a normal physiological reaction, NOT a sign of enjoyment.

Aftermath

Male survivors of sexual assault may experience a variety of effects that have an impact on their well-being.

Psychological
  • Sense of self and concept of “reality” are disrupted
  • Profound anxiety, depression, fearfulness, and identity confusion
  • Development of phobias related to the assault setting
  • Hypochondriacal symptoms (imaginary ailments)
  • Paranoia and obsessive fear of bodily harm
  • Withdrawal from interpersonal contact and a heightened sense of alienation
  • Stress-induced psycho-physiological reactions
  • Psychological outcomes can be severe for men because men are socialized to believe that they are immune to sexual assault and because societal reactions to these assaults can be more isolating and stigmatizing.
Heterosexual Men
  • He may experience “homosexual panic”- a fear that the assault will make him “become homosexual.”
  • He may feel that he is less of a man.
Homosexual Men
  • He may feel that he is being “punished” for his sexual orientation.
  • He may fear that he was targeted as a member of the homosexual community. This fear may lead him to withdraw from that community.
  • He may develop self-loathing related to his sexual orientation.
Relationships / Intimacy
  • Relationships may be disrupted by the assault.
  • Relationships may be disrupted by other’s reactions to the assault such as a lack of belief/support.
  • Relationships may also be disrupted by the victim’s reactions to the assault.
Emotional
  • Anger about the assault can lead to hostility.
  • Similarly, the overwhelming emotions that come with surviving a sexual assault can lead to emotional withdrawal.

I don’t think enough people have seen this, so I’m bringing it back.

(Source: pleasestopcutting)

(Source: thedailykix)

(Source: inspirational-1992)

(Source: teabee1968)

Sara’s Mark, healed (and on its way to healing her, I hope!)

Sara’s Mark, healed (and on its way to healing her, I hope!)

(Source: justkeephangingon)

(Source: groundedonthedaily)

I found this on Myspace YEARS ago, about right after my boyfriend "mistreated" me, we'll say. A friend of mine went through a similar situation and showed me the survivor's & protector's mark. We've convinced almost all our friends to get one, she already has hers, & I'm getting mine soon! Glad people do things like this to support people who need it. It helped me through my tough time. <3
Asked by harleyschemin

April 28 was TSM’s 4 year anniversary, but it doesn’t feel that long at all! I can say without hesitation getting this tattoo was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. The fact that it helps other people is just icing on an already awesome cake. I am constantly humbled and filled with gratitude to receive messages like this.

As social media has grown, so has the number of TSM sites I manage. There’s the old MySpace, this blog, and the Facebook. I also have a page on Check Out My Ink. I like to think the more I reach out, the more people will realize they aren’t alone. I also like to collect the pictures people send from all over the world; I’ve gotten (and uploaded) 35 to date.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write me; I will never cease to be amazed that my tiny tattoo idea is being embraced by so many other Survivors. I feel like we were already tied together by a thread we couldn’t see, but now that thread is visible, helping us find each other so we can heal together. [/end corniness]

Much love and hope, to you and your friend. <3
~Sandy 

Thank you so much for this site and your story. I've been in therapy for over a year now for repressed memories, I think somethings have started to come back, but I can't remember anything in great detail. I remember things happening, feeling uncomfortable- but I can never remember who. I feel like I keep going back and forth between believing I was molested and thinking I just made it all up. I just feel violated, I want to remember so I can heal and move on, but I can't believe myself. Help?
Asked by Anonymous

I had this problem the first few years. I didn’t know if my nightmares were just bad dreams or memories, and accepting the latter was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Ultimately I had to go to my Mom to find out for sure, but I’m glad I did because that allowed me to face what happened and move on from it.

Don’t worry about remembering. Things will come in time, I promise you that. I was 13 when the memories started coming, and at 27 I still don’t know everything. I’ve only recently grasped the true scope of the timeline of my abuse; for years I thought it was a one-time thing, but I realized over time that I was groomed and molested for about 4 years before the rape began. 

I believe you. Even if you can’t grasp your truth fully, I can. I was told once that if you feel like you were abused, you were. There’s really no definition or guide book that states what is and isn’t okay, but our instincts are rarely wrong.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.
Or here: supersandy1984@hotmail.com

Much love and hope!
~Sandy 

After Sexual Assault: A Recovery Guide for Survivors

billierain:

Rape and sexual assault are traumatic experiences that may interrupt your life at home, at work, and at school, affecting your relationships with friends, family, and co- workers.

This guide can help you to begin sorting out your emotions and concerns and to understand the facts sur- rounding sexual assault.

You have survived, and now you can begin to recover. Although this process is often slow and confus- ing, with understanding and persistence you can accom- plish a great deal. You have control over how you recover.